Oy Vey

These past few days I've felt so overwhelmed.

Fall and winter although my favorite times of years are also the times when I engage in the eating disorder the most...or crave it the most.

I feel like I havent worked the steps properly. I thought I was suppose to have the obsession taken away. Tonight a very large part of me (albeit the part that is bloated and added poundaged) wants the anorexia back.

Thing is I know that I can't have my life and have an eating disorder. I know that I cant have friends, or a job, or school or a dog if I have the eating disorder taking up all my time...but tonight...there is apart of me that wishes I could have both.

This is unhealthy talk, I know.

Also my closest friend...sometimes my only friend, we havent been as close this year as we have in the past. She too has an eating disorder. She cares so much about getting into the right school. That is important! but I feel like she has been blowing me off so often. I feel like she doesnt care about me anymore...and that sucks.

I am moving AGAIN...and I have two options. One move into the grove house..and two move into the house next to my fake parents. Here is the problem, my sponsor wants me in one and I want the other.

oy vey

-Hannah