Hey all, its been a long while since I've last posted on this blog. I know.
I have reached step 11 with my sponsor, and once I finish 11 and 12 that means its about time to start sponsoring people...that is terrifying but exciting all the same. I know that by serving others I will not only be aiding them but also strengthening my own sobriety. By then I will have a little more then a months sobriety under my belt. I'm at 21 days now without acting on any behaviors. Come feb. I will have been in the program for an entire year. A year of trudging the road of happy destiny.
The past two weeks have marked a time where I have felt content in my life. Some anxieties here and there but all and all I have been remarkably okay. My therapist asked me if I had been smoking pot. geeeez. haha I told her no that I just felt calm and that the insanity in my brain was quieter then it has been in a long while.
I want to get on my knees and praise my higher power for saving me. I know I sound like a bible thumper but I really believe I would be dead if it not for that higher power. Too many nights I debated whether or not to kill myself and get it over with, I believed the only way out from the torment of my insane thinking was to kill myself. Oh gosh I do sound like a bible thumper. shrug. What I've learned in the 12 step fellowship is that your higher power can be anything you want it to be! It can be The Great Pumpkin! The point of the higher power (among other things) is to recognize that there is something greater and bigger then you that can save you when you have tried and failed many a time to save yourself. Until I was willing to admit that I couldnt save myself and my higher power could and that I would let him I would have never known a serenity as I do now.
God thank you for sobriety today.
-Hannah
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