Expecto Patronum

EXPECTO PATRONUMMMMMM!

Hey all,

I'm a Harry Potter fan through and through.

Last night my mind went into overload! Let me set the scene.

I'm having to move out of my apartment b/c its become too expensive...right. I dont have a place to go yet. right. I have a puppy who is driving everyone crazy. right. I told everyone that getting rid of puppy was not an option. right. People are mad. right.

So I'm over at my Fake Parents house (my parents dont live with me anymore, my dad in seattle and my mom in the world beyond or whatever. so I have fake parents who are there for me.) So I'm over at my fake parents house and for some reason or another my insane thinking crept up on me and latched its legs around my brain. It said...

"Yo gurl, you need yo anorexia and bulimia back!"

okay maybe not like that. But It was so out of the blue that I really almost started to cry! I'm totally serious! I was tearing up! So I'm starting to panic here, 'cause that voice is so convincing.

I'm in a 12 step fellowship, so my new knee jerk response is to call my sponsor. NEW knee jerk response. I couldnt get a hold of her. I thought the whole world was about to fall in on me! GOD WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME...that kind of stuff.

I'm driving home having decided that I am just not gonna be able to eat dinner...as I reach the apartment I make an abrupt U-Turn and head to the nearest store to pick up a new scale, on my way I tried calling my sponsor again.

AND THE LORD SAID: YOU SHALL NOT BUY THE SCALE! she picked up.

sponsor: whats up?
me: AHHHH
sponsor and me (long good conversation, me parked in an empty parking lot)

conclusion: I am learning how to be a grown up, I'm learning that even though those insane thinking moments are there they are there not b/c I'm not working the program but b/c I have an eating disorder and it happens. I went home (without buying a scale) and ate dinner, then put myself to bed.

My expecto patronum resembles my sponsor saying to my eating disorder, "sit down, and shut the fuck up."

Thank you C.

-Hannah-