Fuck you Peter Pan!

ugh,

I'm feelin' blue.

Probably b/c I'm tired.

I'm feeling really anxious, I have work tomorrow and last tuesday I had a sit down with my boss where she told me last sunday was a complete failure on my part, (which is very true). But man being told that you fucked up SUCKS. Now I feel sick and anxious because I want everything to go well. I work with teenagers. And it is the most terrifying work I could ever do!

Growing up is so hard. It is such an emotional pain in the ass. I feel like I am 12 years old. How in the world did I get to be 22? How did I get here?

Some days I want my eating disorder to take "control" again, b/c then I wouldnt have to be responsible for anything or anyone. But then I remember that I dont want that anymore. That even though growing up is one of the hardest things I've had to do, its worth the tears and anger and work then to be stuck disappointing everyone, disappointing myself. I'd rather be crying about how hard this shit is then be locked up in the hospital with a tube shoved down my nose...then to have people telling me when to eat, how to eat, when to go to the bathroom, when to move etc.

BUT WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO FREAKIN' SCARY!

Is everyone as afraid as I am of growing up? Does everyone go through this? Because I feel like I'm crazy for how afraid I am.

IN CONCLUSION: Fuck you Peter Pan and your Neverland and your fucking youth for life with no responsibilities! fuck you.